1 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:35,467 Ah, good evening, everyone. 2 00:00:35,567 --> 00:00:37,200 Ah, good evening, professor. 3 00:00:37,300 --> 00:00:38,133 All right, sit down. 4 00:00:38,233 --> 00:00:39,600 Good evening. 5 00:00:39,700 --> 00:00:42,233 Good heavens, Ranjeet, you're actually here on time. 6 00:00:42,333 --> 00:00:43,133 Yes. 7 00:00:43,233 --> 00:00:44,633 Well done. Now, where's my-- 8 00:00:45,633 --> 00:00:47,100 Oh, yes, thank you, Juan. 9 00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:48,900 And thank you for carrying it. 10 00:00:50,900 --> 00:00:51,800 What? 11 00:00:51,900 --> 00:00:53,433 Oh, yes, thank you very much. 12 00:00:53,533 --> 00:00:54,233 Thank you. 13 00:01:00,700 --> 00:01:02,333 You Spanish creeper. 14 00:01:02,433 --> 00:01:04,633 You-- you an Italian.. 15 00:01:04,733 --> 00:01:06,267 All right, settle down everybody. 16 00:01:06,367 --> 00:01:09,500 We've got a lot of work to do tonight. 17 00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:10,433 Right-- 18 00:01:10,533 --> 00:01:11,500 Excuse, please. 19 00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:13,467 Uh, just sit down a minute, Ali, will you? 20 00:01:13,567 --> 00:01:14,567 No thank you. 21 00:01:14,667 --> 00:01:16,367 I'm only coming to tell you I'm not coming. 22 00:01:16,467 --> 00:01:17,133 Not coming? 23 00:01:17,233 --> 00:01:18,500 Yes, please. 24 00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:20,267 Well, but you can't leave in the middle of a term. 25 00:01:20,367 --> 00:01:21,567 I mean, you were doing quite well. 26 00:01:21,667 --> 00:01:22,633 Why do you want to leave? 27 00:01:22,733 --> 00:01:25,033 Oh, blimey, I'm coming up on the puddles. 28 00:01:25,133 --> 00:01:26,367 Coming up on the puddles? 29 00:01:26,467 --> 00:01:28,233 Yes, please, the football puddles. 30 00:01:28,333 --> 00:01:29,667 Oh, the football pools. 31 00:01:29,767 --> 00:01:33,400 Yes, and I'm getting eight scoring draws. 32 00:01:33,500 --> 00:01:35,267 How many draws on the?? 33 00:01:35,367 --> 00:01:37,800 Only the eight I am getting! 34 00:01:37,900 --> 00:01:39,133 How much do you win? 35 00:01:39,233 --> 00:01:41,733 Oh, blimey, it could be half a million pounds. 36 00:01:41,833 --> 00:01:42,667 Aye, aye, aye! 37 00:01:42,767 --> 00:01:44,667 Santa Maria! 38 00:01:44,767 --> 00:01:50,200 Ah, I'm very happy for you, because you are my best friend! 39 00:01:50,300 --> 00:01:52,833 He's also my friend. 40 00:01:57,900 --> 00:02:00,867 I am too friend of Ali! 41 00:02:00,967 --> 00:02:01,833 You? 42 00:02:01,933 --> 00:02:02,900 But of course! 43 00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:06,400 We are practically bloody brothers. 44 00:02:06,500 --> 00:02:08,400 I thought you didn't like Muslims. 45 00:02:08,500 --> 00:02:10,867 I love Muslims, especially when they are 46 00:02:10,967 --> 00:02:12,533 having a half a million pounds! 47 00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:14,467 Uh, well, I don't know what to say, Ali. 48 00:02:14,567 --> 00:02:16,300 I mean, I'm very pleased for you, of course. 49 00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:18,000 I'm also being very pleased for me. 50 00:02:18,100 --> 00:02:19,267 Yeah, what will you do? 51 00:02:19,367 --> 00:02:21,833 Oh, blimey, I'm going to the bed. 52 00:02:21,933 --> 00:02:22,800 To bed? 53 00:02:22,900 --> 00:02:24,167 Yes, please. 54 00:02:24,267 --> 00:02:26,467 With all that money, I'm not needing to be working. 55 00:02:26,567 --> 00:02:27,833 So I'm going to bed. 56 00:02:27,933 --> 00:02:29,633 You mean you're going to retire. 57 00:02:29,733 --> 00:02:31,000 Most definitely. 58 00:02:31,100 --> 00:02:32,833 Ah, you quite sure you've got eight score draws? 59 00:02:32,933 --> 00:02:35,067 Oh, yes, I got the copy. 60 00:02:35,167 --> 00:02:38,300 Here, please, the one I am ticking off. 61 00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:39,367 I see. 62 00:02:39,467 --> 00:02:40,600 Yeah, well, Ali, I don't think you're going 63 00:02:40,700 --> 00:02:41,800 to be able to retire just yet. 64 00:02:41,900 --> 00:02:43,100 You mean he's not got eight draws? 65 00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:44,933 No, he has. He's got the eight. 66 00:02:45,033 --> 00:02:45,900 He's got eight draws, but-- 67 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:47,100 Oh, good. 68 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:48,233 They're not all on the same line. 69 00:02:48,333 --> 00:02:49,933 What difference is that making? 70 00:02:50,033 --> 00:02:52,367 Well, it means you haven't won anything. 71 00:02:52,467 --> 00:02:53,500 Nothing at all? 72 00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:54,600 Nothing at all. 73 00:02:54,700 --> 00:02:56,467 Ha,. 74 00:02:56,567 --> 00:02:57,500 - Yeah. - Yeah. 75 00:02:58,533 --> 00:02:59,233 Loco! 76 00:03:02,300 --> 00:03:04,800 Muslim do it-- 77 00:03:04,900 --> 00:03:06,733 no brains whatsoever! 78 00:03:06,833 --> 00:03:09,133 Oh, blimey, you are changing tune. 79 00:03:09,233 --> 00:03:11,100 When you are thinking that I am very wealthy, 80 00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:12,600 you are being my bloody brother. 81 00:03:12,700 --> 00:03:15,600 That is before I am finding out you are bloody stupid! 82 00:03:15,700 --> 00:03:19,100 Don't you call me bloody stupid, you bearded baboon! 83 00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:20,933 Quiet, the pair of you, and sit down. 84 00:03:21,033 --> 00:03:23,000 I-- I presume you're staying now. 85 00:03:23,100 --> 00:03:24,200 Are you? 86 00:03:24,300 --> 00:03:25,567 I'm staying now, yes. 87 00:03:25,667 --> 00:03:27,300 Good, right. 88 00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:29,800 Now, this evening I thought we'd try some practical use 89 00:03:29,900 --> 00:03:31,400 of the English language by acting 90 00:03:31,500 --> 00:03:35,100 out various situations that you might come across in real life. 91 00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:37,500 Now, we'll start with you, Taro. 92 00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:44,933 Now, you are going to the bank. 93 00:03:45,033 --> 00:03:46,267 Bank-o? 94 00:03:46,367 --> 00:03:47,767 Yes-o. 95 00:03:47,867 --> 00:03:49,533 Where are you going? 96 00:03:49,633 --> 00:03:50,733 Bank-o. 97 00:03:50,833 --> 00:03:53,400 No, no, it's only a pretend bank. 98 00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:54,333 Pretend-o? 99 00:03:54,433 --> 00:03:55,700 Yes-o, y-yes. 100 00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:58,233 Look, we'll imagine that this table is the bank counter, 101 00:03:58,333 --> 00:04:00,633 that I'm the bank clerk, that you are a customer, 102 00:04:00,733 --> 00:04:03,867 and you've come in to cash a check, all right? 103 00:04:03,967 --> 00:04:05,200 OK-o. 104 00:04:05,300 --> 00:04:06,400 Good morning, sir. 105 00:04:06,500 --> 00:04:09,567 It is-o not good morning time. 106 00:04:09,667 --> 00:04:12,933 It is-o good night time. 107 00:04:13,033 --> 00:04:14,133 Yes, it is now. 108 00:04:14,233 --> 00:04:16,233 But we are pretending. 109 00:04:16,333 --> 00:04:17,633 Ah, so. 110 00:04:17,733 --> 00:04:19,133 Carry on. - Thank you. 111 00:04:19,233 --> 00:04:20,233 Good morning, sir. 112 00:04:20,333 --> 00:04:22,033 - One moment-o. - What is it now? 113 00:04:22,133 --> 00:04:25,467 Are you Barclays-o or Midland-o? 114 00:04:25,567 --> 00:04:28,167 It doesn't matter, Midland if you like. 115 00:04:28,267 --> 00:04:29,533 Good morning, sir. 116 00:04:29,633 --> 00:04:30,467 Goodbye. 117 00:04:33,967 --> 00:04:35,933 Goodbye? 118 00:04:36,033 --> 00:04:40,033 Midland-o not my bank-o. 119 00:04:40,133 --> 00:04:42,400 Barclays-o my bank-o. 120 00:04:42,500 --> 00:04:44,967 Yeah, all right, it's Barclays. 121 00:04:45,067 --> 00:04:46,500 Good morning, sir. 122 00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:48,167 Good morning. 123 00:04:48,267 --> 00:04:50,033 You wish to cash a check? 124 00:04:50,133 --> 00:04:51,067 Yes, please-o. 125 00:04:51,167 --> 00:04:52,167 Good, how much-- 126 00:04:52,267 --> 00:04:54,667 10 pounds, 20, 30? - 30-o. 127 00:04:54,767 --> 00:04:56,000 How do you want it? 128 00:04:56,100 --> 00:04:59,067 In money, please-o. 129 00:04:59,167 --> 00:05:01,967 30 pounds in tens, ones, or fives, or what? 130 00:05:02,067 --> 00:05:05,367 Can I have 30-o fives-o? 131 00:05:05,467 --> 00:05:07,400 No, that would be 150 pounds! 132 00:05:07,500 --> 00:05:10,467 - Oh, sorry for mistake-o. - Yeah, well, not to worry. 133 00:05:10,567 --> 00:05:12,233 Thank you, Taro. That's not too bad. 134 00:05:12,333 --> 00:05:13,733 Now, who shall we have next? 135 00:05:13,833 --> 00:05:16,333 Ah, Danielle. 136 00:05:20,433 --> 00:05:23,133 You are the nicest banker I have seen. 137 00:05:23,233 --> 00:05:24,967 Eh, so we're not in the bank now. 138 00:05:25,067 --> 00:05:27,133 I want you to imagine something different. 139 00:05:27,233 --> 00:05:29,467 Mm, I have very good imagination. 140 00:05:29,567 --> 00:05:30,933 Yes, I'm sure you have. 141 00:05:31,033 --> 00:05:34,000 Now, I want you to-- uh, you are going to the post office, 142 00:05:34,100 --> 00:05:35,733 and I am the assistant. 143 00:05:35,833 --> 00:05:39,433 Oh, mm-- excuse me, can you help me? 144 00:05:39,533 --> 00:05:41,400 Certainly madam, what is it you wish? 145 00:05:41,500 --> 00:05:43,867 How much it is a letter to post? 146 00:05:43,967 --> 00:05:45,267 Is it to somewhere in England? 147 00:05:45,367 --> 00:05:47,967 No, it is a Swiss letter. 148 00:05:48,067 --> 00:05:49,300 A Swiss letter? 149 00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:51,267 Yes, I write to my boyfriend in Switzerland. 150 00:05:51,367 --> 00:05:52,567 Yeah, well, it's more correct to say 151 00:05:52,667 --> 00:05:54,167 that you want to send a letter to Switzerland, 152 00:05:54,267 --> 00:05:55,400 not a Swiss letter. 153 00:05:55,500 --> 00:05:56,400 It could be rather embarrassing if you were 154 00:05:56,500 --> 00:05:59,200 writing to someone in France. 155 00:05:59,300 --> 00:05:59,933 Pardon? 156 00:06:00,033 --> 00:06:00,967 Oh, it doesn't matter. 157 00:06:01,067 --> 00:06:02,233 It's not-- 158 00:06:02,333 --> 00:06:05,033 I think I need some extra English lesson. 159 00:06:05,133 --> 00:06:07,433 Maybe I could stay here with you after class? 160 00:06:07,533 --> 00:06:10,267 No, I don't think we could do that. 161 00:06:10,367 --> 00:06:12,567 Well, I-- I come home with you, and you 162 00:06:12,667 --> 00:06:13,833 can teach me a lot there. 163 00:06:13,933 --> 00:06:15,167 Yes, I'm sure I could. 164 00:06:15,267 --> 00:06:17,767 But I think you know quite sufficient already. 165 00:06:17,867 --> 00:06:20,367 Now, is there anything else you want? 166 00:06:20,467 --> 00:06:23,333 Yes, but I cannot tell you here. 167 00:06:24,367 --> 00:06:25,500 Oh! 168 00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:27,867 From the post office? 169 00:06:27,967 --> 00:06:29,633 No, nothing. 170 00:06:29,733 --> 00:06:30,900 Mm, well, all right-- 171 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:31,833 thank you, Danielle. 172 00:06:31,933 --> 00:06:34,467 That will do. 173 00:06:34,567 --> 00:06:35,833 Now, Juan? 174 00:06:35,933 --> 00:06:37,367 Si, se or. 175 00:06:37,467 --> 00:06:39,767 You are going to the employment exchange. 176 00:06:39,867 --> 00:06:40,733 Por favor? 177 00:06:40,833 --> 00:06:41,967 Well, you're going to get-- 178 00:06:42,067 --> 00:06:42,933 to get a job. 179 00:06:43,033 --> 00:06:44,600 Ah, I have job. 180 00:06:44,700 --> 00:06:45,700 Yeah, I know that. 181 00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:47,233 But we're assuming that you don't 182 00:06:47,333 --> 00:06:49,333 and that you're going to the employment exchange to get one. 183 00:06:49,433 --> 00:06:51,633 As I explained to Taro, we are just pretending. 184 00:06:51,733 --> 00:06:52,600 Ah, sorry. 185 00:06:52,700 --> 00:06:55,700 Ah, right, what is your name? 186 00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:57,567 You know my name. 187 00:06:57,667 --> 00:06:58,633 Yes, I do. 188 00:06:58,733 --> 00:07:00,400 But the clerk at the job center doesn't. 189 00:07:00,500 --> 00:07:01,733 Ah, si-- 190 00:07:01,833 --> 00:07:04,100 Juan Cervantes. 191 00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:07,200 Oh, right. Are you married? 192 00:07:07,300 --> 00:07:13,267 Si, I'm married to Gina Lollobrigida! 193 00:07:15,967 --> 00:07:19,067 Don't be ridiculous. 194 00:07:19,167 --> 00:07:21,900 Pretending. 195 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:26,133 Touche-- all right, what sort of a job are you looking for? 196 00:07:26,233 --> 00:07:27,833 A plenty money job. 197 00:07:27,933 --> 00:07:30,233 Yeah, but what sort of work do you want to do in order 198 00:07:30,333 --> 00:07:32,367 to earn this plenty money? 199 00:07:32,467 --> 00:07:34,867 Plenty little. 200 00:07:34,967 --> 00:07:36,600 All right, Juan, thank you. 201 00:07:36,700 --> 00:07:37,767 That'll be sufficient. 202 00:07:37,867 --> 00:07:40,300 Pity, I like it, a very good game. 203 00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:43,200 Thank you, Juan. 204 00:07:43,300 --> 00:07:44,800 Right, so now, Ranjeet? 205 00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:50,133 What is it you are wanting me to do? 206 00:07:50,233 --> 00:07:52,167 Ah, you are going to the doctor's. 207 00:07:52,267 --> 00:07:54,200 And what is the nature of my complaint? 208 00:07:54,300 --> 00:07:56,667 Well, let's just say that you don't feel well. 209 00:07:56,767 --> 00:07:58,167 But I am never feeling better. 210 00:07:58,267 --> 00:08:00,567 Yeah, well, pretend you have a cold. 211 00:08:00,667 --> 00:08:01,600 A cold what? 212 00:08:04,167 --> 00:08:05,500 All right, let's forgot about the cold. 213 00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:07,900 Just imagine that you have to pain. 214 00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:10,400 Very well, sir. 215 00:08:10,500 --> 00:08:12,133 Well, go on. 216 00:08:12,233 --> 00:08:16,433 A thousand apologies, I am waiting for you to say next, 217 00:08:16,533 --> 00:08:17,267 please. 218 00:08:17,367 --> 00:08:21,033 Doctor always say next, please. 219 00:08:21,133 --> 00:08:23,867 Next, please. 220 00:08:23,967 --> 00:08:24,800 Good morning, doctor. 221 00:08:24,900 --> 00:08:25,900 Good morning. 222 00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:27,767 And what seems to be the trouble? 223 00:08:27,867 --> 00:08:29,833 I have terrible pain. 224 00:08:29,933 --> 00:08:30,867 Whereabouts? 225 00:08:30,967 --> 00:08:34,467 In my imagination. 226 00:08:34,567 --> 00:08:37,867 You're supposed to pretend it's a real pain. 227 00:08:37,967 --> 00:08:40,600 A thousand apologies again. 228 00:08:40,700 --> 00:08:42,900 I have real, terrible pain. 229 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:45,533 Good, now, whereabouts is this pain? 230 00:08:45,633 --> 00:08:47,800 In my foot! 231 00:08:48,867 --> 00:08:51,200 But his brains are hurting. 232 00:08:51,300 --> 00:08:53,500 Your backside will be hurting in a moment! 233 00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:56,100 Oh, blimey, you couldn't even crack a.. 234 00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:57,433 I'll give you! 235 00:08:57,533 --> 00:08:59,733 I'll give you bunches of!! 236 00:09:03,933 --> 00:09:05,000 Ah, Miss Courtney. 237 00:09:05,100 --> 00:09:06,367 What on earth is going on in here? 238 00:09:06,467 --> 00:09:08,633 Well, we were just having a few practical lessons. 239 00:09:08,733 --> 00:09:11,000 What in, unarmed combat? 240 00:09:11,100 --> 00:09:12,367 Well, It might come in useful. 241 00:09:12,467 --> 00:09:16,133 Ah, well, I'm afraid your students will have to do 242 00:09:16,233 --> 00:09:17,400 without you for a little while. 243 00:09:17,500 --> 00:09:20,033 You're wanted down at the police station. 244 00:09:20,133 --> 00:09:21,133 The police station? 245 00:09:21,233 --> 00:09:22,133 There's no need to look so guilty. 246 00:09:22,233 --> 00:09:23,500 It's nothing you've done. 247 00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:26,167 It's about one of your students, the Indian lady. 248 00:09:26,267 --> 00:09:28,467 Oh, Jamila-- well, has something happened to her? 249 00:09:28,567 --> 00:09:33,333 Yes, she's been arrested for shoplifting. 250 00:09:56,100 --> 00:09:58,000 Hello? 251 00:09:58,100 --> 00:09:59,600 Constable Wilkins? 252 00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:00,800 Where the devil are you? 253 00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:02,767 You should have been back here by now. 254 00:10:02,867 --> 00:10:04,067 Pardon? 255 00:10:04,167 --> 00:10:07,033 No, I will not send a panda car for you. 256 00:10:07,133 --> 00:10:08,833 I don't care if someone has pinched your bicycle. 257 00:10:08,933 --> 00:10:09,767 Pinch somebody else's! 258 00:10:13,067 --> 00:10:15,533 Would you like a cup of tea? 259 00:10:19,467 --> 00:10:20,800 Tea? 260 00:10:20,900 --> 00:10:23,067 Cup of? 261 00:10:25,167 --> 00:10:28,300 Oh yes, please, no thank you-- 262 00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:29,800 four sugar. 263 00:10:29,900 --> 00:10:31,167 Don't run away. 264 00:10:34,233 --> 00:10:36,233 Oh, Jamila, are you all right? 265 00:10:40,667 --> 00:10:41,500 What did she say, Ali? 266 00:10:44,967 --> 00:10:46,033 In English! 267 00:10:46,133 --> 00:10:47,600 Oh, excuse me, please-- she's saying 268 00:10:47,700 --> 00:10:51,300 that she's very glad that we are coming to help her escape. 269 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,067 Look, ask her what she stole. 270 00:11:02,433 --> 00:11:03,067 Well? 271 00:11:03,167 --> 00:11:04,267 Nothing. 272 00:11:04,367 --> 00:11:06,133 She must have said more than that. 273 00:11:06,233 --> 00:11:07,667 Yes, please, she is saying that she 274 00:11:07,767 --> 00:11:10,467 took a book from the newspaper shop, but the book was free. 275 00:11:10,567 --> 00:11:13,033 Well, there's obviously been some misunderstanding. 276 00:11:13,133 --> 00:11:15,033 I'll-- I'll sort it out with the police. 277 00:11:15,133 --> 00:11:16,433 Will they be sending her to prison? 278 00:11:16,533 --> 00:11:18,167 No, no, no, no, I don't think it's drastic as that. 279 00:11:18,267 --> 00:11:19,567 Uh, I'll have a word with the sergeant 280 00:11:19,667 --> 00:11:20,867 Ah, 5 pounds ought to do it. 281 00:11:20,967 --> 00:11:22,533 Ah, I am understanding. 282 00:11:22,633 --> 00:11:23,567 That is a fine. 283 00:11:23,667 --> 00:11:24,967 No, no, no, it's not exactly a fine. 284 00:11:25,067 --> 00:11:26,300 Let's just say it's a little gift. 285 00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:27,233 Gift? 286 00:11:27,333 --> 00:11:28,800 Yes, it's an old English custom. 287 00:11:28,900 --> 00:11:30,400 I scratch your back, you scratch mine. 288 00:11:30,500 --> 00:11:32,967 Ah, you scratch my back, I scratch yours. 289 00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:34,167 That's right. 290 00:11:34,267 --> 00:11:35,133 Very well, where are you being itchy? 291 00:11:35,233 --> 00:11:37,100 No, no, no, that's not-- 292 00:11:44,167 --> 00:11:45,000 Good evening. 293 00:11:45,100 --> 00:11:45,900 Good evening. 294 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:47,167 Are you Mr. Brown? 295 00:11:47,267 --> 00:11:48,533 No, he's Mr. Brown. 296 00:11:48,633 --> 00:11:49,700 I was speaking to him. 297 00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:51,733 In that case, you were right the first time. 298 00:11:51,833 --> 00:11:52,667 Who are you? 299 00:11:52,767 --> 00:11:53,867 Ali Nadim. 300 00:11:53,967 --> 00:11:55,600 No, I am Ali Nadim. 301 00:11:55,700 --> 00:11:57,100 You are Mr. Brown. 302 00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:58,933 Yes, Ali, I'll do the talking, all right? 303 00:11:59,033 --> 00:12:00,267 You just leave it to me. 304 00:12:00,367 --> 00:12:02,667 Now, I'm sure we can sort this out, inspector. 305 00:12:02,767 --> 00:12:05,233 The commissioner looks after promotions here, sir. 306 00:12:05,333 --> 00:12:07,333 Yes, well, you look like an inspector. 307 00:12:07,433 --> 00:12:08,800 I'm sure it's only a matter of time. 308 00:12:08,900 --> 00:12:10,367 May I compliment you on your station 309 00:12:10,467 --> 00:12:11,900 and what a wonderful job you're doing? 310 00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:13,167 Thank you, sir. 311 00:12:13,267 --> 00:12:14,367 Now, about this young lady-- 312 00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:16,767 Ah, yes, I expect you'd like to have 313 00:12:16,867 --> 00:12:17,900 a look at my driving license. 314 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:18,867 What for? 315 00:12:18,967 --> 00:12:20,667 Oh, to verify my identity. 316 00:12:20,767 --> 00:12:22,067 You said you were Mr. Brown. 317 00:12:22,167 --> 00:12:23,467 Yes, but you want some proof, don't you? 318 00:12:23,567 --> 00:12:25,067 Look, if you tell me you're Mr. Brown, 319 00:12:25,167 --> 00:12:26,767 I accept that as the truth. 320 00:12:26,867 --> 00:12:28,133 Yes, but I could have been lying. 321 00:12:28,233 --> 00:12:29,300 Were you lying? 322 00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:31,133 Ah, no, he's definitely Mr. Brown. 323 00:12:31,233 --> 00:12:32,200 He's telling the truth. 324 00:12:32,300 --> 00:12:33,267 Ali! 325 00:12:33,367 --> 00:12:34,867 I insist you look at my driving license. 326 00:12:34,967 --> 00:12:37,133 Oh, very well, if it'll make you happy. 327 00:12:41,033 --> 00:12:41,867 Is this your, sir? 328 00:12:41,967 --> 00:12:43,333 Pardon? 329 00:12:43,433 --> 00:12:46,333 This 5-pound note, it was inside your driving license. 330 00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:47,533 Are you sure? 331 00:12:47,633 --> 00:12:49,200 It could have dropped out of your trouser pocket. 332 00:12:49,300 --> 00:12:52,267 Oh, yes, and dropped upwards, I suppose, onto the desk? 333 00:12:52,367 --> 00:12:54,067 You might have had it tucked up your sleeve. 334 00:12:54,167 --> 00:12:56,067 Yes, and I could have a couple of doves up the other, 335 00:12:56,167 --> 00:12:57,167 but I haven't. 336 00:12:57,267 --> 00:12:59,533 It was definitely in your license! 337 00:12:59,633 --> 00:13:00,733 Yes, sergeant is correct. 338 00:13:00,833 --> 00:13:04,700 I remember you putting it there not a moment ago. 339 00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:06,067 I'd forgot. 340 00:13:06,167 --> 00:13:08,233 It was just before you said, you scratch my back, 341 00:13:08,333 --> 00:13:09,600 and I scratch yours. 342 00:13:09,700 --> 00:13:11,767 Thank you, George Washington. 343 00:13:11,867 --> 00:13:13,000 No, I'm Ali. 344 00:13:13,100 --> 00:13:16,033 Yeah, Ali, just-- just be quiet, please. 345 00:13:16,133 --> 00:13:17,767 Now, sergeant, about this young lady-- 346 00:13:17,867 --> 00:13:19,033 Yes, the accused. 347 00:13:19,133 --> 00:13:20,633 Yes, Will remember British justice. 348 00:13:20,733 --> 00:13:23,167 I mean, a person is presumed innocent until proven guilty. 349 00:13:23,267 --> 00:13:24,633 And this poor lady is innocent! 350 00:13:24,733 --> 00:13:25,867 I know that. 351 00:13:25,967 --> 00:13:26,733 And just because she's is an immigrant, 352 00:13:26,833 --> 00:13:27,500 you can't go picking-- 353 00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:28,433 pardon? 354 00:13:28,533 --> 00:13:30,467 Oh, she pinched a book, all right. 355 00:13:30,567 --> 00:13:32,533 But she thought it was.. 356 00:13:32,633 --> 00:13:34,633 See what it says on the front cover? 357 00:13:34,733 --> 00:13:37,000 Free inside, color supplement? 358 00:13:37,100 --> 00:13:38,333 That's right. 359 00:13:38,433 --> 00:13:39,600 Ah, and she thought the whole thing was free. 360 00:13:39,700 --> 00:13:40,733 Yes. 361 00:13:40,833 --> 00:13:42,333 Ah, well, then it's not her fault. 362 00:13:42,433 --> 00:13:44,300 If anyone's to blame, it's the person who's 363 00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:48,267 been teaching her English. It's It's not always easy. 364 00:13:48,367 --> 00:13:49,833 Well, if that's all, we'll be getting along. 365 00:13:49,933 --> 00:13:51,133 Come along, Jamila. 366 00:13:51,233 --> 00:13:52,600 Ah, oh, 367 00:13:52,700 --> 00:13:56,900 Before you go, sir, would you like to make a donation 368 00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:58,767 to our police charity fund? 369 00:13:58,867 --> 00:13:59,967 Yes, well, you've caught me at, 370 00:14:00,067 --> 00:14:01,500 ah, rather an awkward moment. 371 00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:03,167 What about the fiver? 372 00:14:03,267 --> 00:14:05,900 You remember, sir-- the one you thought you never had. 373 00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:06,967 Oh, that fiver. 374 00:14:07,067 --> 00:14:08,200 You know what they say, sir. 375 00:14:08,300 --> 00:14:10,333 What you've never had, you never miss-- 376 00:14:10,433 --> 00:14:12,067 unless, of course, you knew it was there 377 00:14:12,167 --> 00:14:14,900 all the time, in which case it would come 378 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:18,967 under bribery and corruption. 379 00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:21,600 You scratch my back, and I'll scratch yours. 380 00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:28,300 I see Mr. Brown is not back. 381 00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:29,967 Now, what are you doing at the moment? 382 00:14:30,067 --> 00:14:31,800 We are studying our English grammar. 383 00:14:31,900 --> 00:14:34,133 Good, how far have you got? 384 00:14:34,233 --> 00:14:37,000 Let me see your book. 385 00:14:37,100 --> 00:14:40,333 Giovanni, Miss Courtney would like to see your book. 386 00:14:40,433 --> 00:14:42,533 I want to see your book. 387 00:14:46,667 --> 00:14:47,500 Thank you. 388 00:14:51,133 --> 00:14:54,233 "The Affairs of a Call Girl." 389 00:14:54,333 --> 00:14:56,733 I thought it was about the adventures of a telephone 390 00:14:56,833 --> 00:14:58,467 operator, honest. 391 00:14:58,567 --> 00:15:01,633 A likely story-- 392 00:15:01,733 --> 00:15:05,067 well, until Mr. Brown returns, I shall take the class. 393 00:15:05,167 --> 00:15:10,700 ,, where are you taking us? 394 00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:12,800 I am not taking you anywhere. 395 00:15:12,900 --> 00:15:15,633 I am going to ask you a few questions on general knowledge. 396 00:15:15,733 --> 00:15:16,833 Pardon. 397 00:15:16,933 --> 00:15:19,067 Now, first of all, can anyone tell me 398 00:15:19,167 --> 00:15:21,967 who said, "To be or not to be?" 399 00:15:22,067 --> 00:15:24,400 Please, you just said it. 400 00:15:24,500 --> 00:15:29,633 Yes, but before I said it, who said it? 401 00:15:29,733 --> 00:15:30,567 Excuse, please. 402 00:15:30,667 --> 00:15:31,467 Yes? 403 00:15:31,567 --> 00:15:34,333 Chairman Mao. 404 00:15:34,433 --> 00:15:35,767 It may come as a surprise to you to know, 405 00:15:35,867 --> 00:15:38,667 but other people wrote things besides Chairman Mao. 406 00:15:38,767 --> 00:15:40,333 Chairman Mao light everything. 407 00:15:40,433 --> 00:15:42,000 Well, he certainly didn't light-- 408 00:15:42,100 --> 00:15:44,933 write, "To be or not to be?" 409 00:15:45,033 --> 00:15:46,767 Now, does anybody know? 410 00:15:46,867 --> 00:15:49,000 William Shakespeare. 411 00:15:49,100 --> 00:15:50,367 Correct. 412 00:15:50,467 --> 00:15:55,467 Excuse, please, who is this William Spear-shake? 413 00:15:55,567 --> 00:15:57,033 Shakespeare. 414 00:15:57,133 --> 00:15:59,100 A thousand apologies. 415 00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:01,900 Are you not familiar with Shakespeare's works? 416 00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:03,800 Is it a big place? 417 00:16:03,900 --> 00:16:05,667 Is what a big place? 418 00:16:05,767 --> 00:16:09,033 These works of Shakespeare. 419 00:16:09,133 --> 00:16:11,133 I am referring to the things he wrote. 420 00:16:11,233 --> 00:16:12,967 Ah,. 421 00:16:13,067 --> 00:16:16,967 Now, then, can anyone tell me what the population of England 422 00:16:17,067 --> 00:16:17,967 is? 423 00:16:18,067 --> 00:16:19,800 Miss Schmidt? - Yeah, English. 424 00:16:23,500 --> 00:16:26,533 Not any longer-- 425 00:16:26,633 --> 00:16:29,500 however, what I really meant was, how many people are there? 426 00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:30,467 I do not know. 427 00:16:30,567 --> 00:16:32,033 I have not counted them. 428 00:16:32,133 --> 00:16:35,333 Well, let me ask you a simple question-- 429 00:16:35,433 --> 00:16:36,600 Mr. Nagazumi. 430 00:16:36,700 --> 00:16:37,533 Ah, so. 431 00:16:40,167 --> 00:16:44,033 Can you tell me how many p's there are in a pound? 432 00:16:44,133 --> 00:16:48,400 Depend on size of peas. 433 00:16:48,500 --> 00:16:51,467 I think you had better all go back to studying your books 434 00:16:51,567 --> 00:16:53,733 until Mr. Brown returns. 435 00:16:53,833 --> 00:16:55,433 He surely can't be much longer. 436 00:17:09,233 --> 00:17:11,333 I wish she'd tell us why she's brought us back here. 437 00:17:11,433 --> 00:17:13,733 She just said she was having something to show you. 438 00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:15,667 Oh. 439 00:17:20,500 --> 00:17:21,467 What did she say? 440 00:17:21,567 --> 00:17:23,267 She's saying thank you for saving 441 00:17:23,367 --> 00:17:25,167 her from the police and hopes that you 442 00:17:25,267 --> 00:17:26,667 will do the same next time. 443 00:17:26,767 --> 00:17:29,100 Yeah, well, I hope there's not going to be a next time. 444 00:17:36,300 --> 00:17:38,167 Free offer, 2p off each tin? 445 00:17:38,267 --> 00:17:39,600 Hmm, super-mark. 446 00:17:39,700 --> 00:17:43,433 Supermarket-- well, they've obviously been having a-- 447 00:17:43,533 --> 00:17:44,400 oh no. 448 00:17:44,500 --> 00:17:46,100 Free offer-- you haven't been taking 449 00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:48,000 things from the supermarket! 450 00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:56,267 Oh deary me! 451 00:17:56,367 --> 00:17:58,500 You can say that again. 452 00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:00,267 Oh deary me. 453 00:18:00,367 --> 00:18:03,100 We must go back and see that police sergeant 454 00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:05,467 and scratch his back again! 455 00:18:05,567 --> 00:18:06,533 We can't do that! 456 00:18:06,633 --> 00:18:07,933 He'll never believe this was a mistake. 457 00:18:08,033 --> 00:18:09,167 I mean, pinching a magazine is one thing, 458 00:18:09,267 --> 00:18:10,367 but knocking off half a supermarket's 459 00:18:10,467 --> 00:18:12,533 a rather a different matter. 460 00:18:12,633 --> 00:18:13,933 On the other hand, we can't let Jamila 461 00:18:14,033 --> 00:18:15,267 keep all these stolen goods. 462 00:18:15,367 --> 00:18:17,000 It's-- it's just-- it's dishonest. 463 00:18:17,100 --> 00:18:18,600 She can give them to me. 464 00:18:18,700 --> 00:18:20,967 I don't mind being dishonest. 465 00:18:21,067 --> 00:18:22,500 I'm sure you don't. 466 00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:24,567 No-- no, now listen, Ali, I want you to go back to the school 467 00:18:24,667 --> 00:18:26,700 and ask all the students to meet Jamila 468 00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:29,033 and I outside the supermarket. 469 00:18:29,133 --> 00:18:30,767 What are we going to be doing? 470 00:18:30,867 --> 00:18:35,433 We're going to be putting all these things back. 471 00:18:35,533 --> 00:18:37,833 Hello, Gladys, is everything locked up? 472 00:18:37,933 --> 00:18:39,400 Yes, Miss Courtney-- 473 00:18:39,500 --> 00:18:41,967 by the way, I don't suppose you could give me a lift. 474 00:18:42,067 --> 00:18:43,133 Oh, I'm sorry, Gladys. 475 00:18:43,233 --> 00:18:44,633 I'm not going straight home tonight. 476 00:18:44,733 --> 00:18:46,667 There are one or two things I want from the supermarket. 477 00:18:46,767 --> 00:18:47,567 Ah. 478 00:18:58,467 --> 00:18:59,900 Right, now, you all know what to do. 479 00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:03,267 Just be very, very careful that nobody sees you, all right? 480 00:19:43,133 --> 00:19:44,433 What are you doing here? 481 00:19:44,533 --> 00:19:46,833 Ah, uh-- yeah, well, I suppose you could say it was 482 00:19:46,933 --> 00:19:48,267 an extra-curricular activity. 483 00:19:48,367 --> 00:19:51,067 Sir, excuse me, it's stuck! 484 00:19:51,167 --> 00:19:52,900 What are you doing with that jar?? 485 00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:54,200 Trying to get it out! 486 00:19:54,300 --> 00:19:55,567 Yeah, well, it's a long story, Miss Courtney. 487 00:19:55,667 --> 00:19:56,500 I'll explain later. 488 00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:57,433 Let me give you a hand. 489 00:19:57,533 --> 00:19:59,167 Oh, uh, pull, pull! 490 00:20:04,967 --> 00:20:06,233 All right, I've been watching you lot. 491 00:20:06,333 --> 00:20:08,400 Just what do you think you're doing? 492 00:20:08,500 --> 00:20:11,200 Would you believe we were putting things back? 493 00:20:11,300 --> 00:20:12,633 No. 494 00:20:12,733 --> 00:20:14,500 I didn't think you would. 495 00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:19,267 Well, well, well, regular little Fagin, aren't you? 496 00:20:19,367 --> 00:20:21,000 I can explain, sergeant. 497 00:20:21,100 --> 00:20:22,333 You're not going to show me your driving 498 00:20:22,433 --> 00:20:23,867 license again, are you? - No. 499 00:20:23,967 --> 00:20:25,333 That's a relief. 500 00:20:25,433 --> 00:20:27,167 You see, we were actually trying to return the goods. 501 00:20:27,267 --> 00:20:28,133 I mean, ask the students. 502 00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:30,800 Quiet! 503 00:20:30,900 --> 00:20:32,867 Now, look here, sergeant. 504 00:20:32,967 --> 00:20:34,533 It was obviously just a misunderstanding, 505 00:20:34,633 --> 00:20:37,100 and I see no reason why you should pursue this any further. 506 00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:38,267 I'm sorry, madam. 507 00:20:38,367 --> 00:20:39,667 Miss, if you don't mind. 508 00:20:39,767 --> 00:20:43,300 Yes, well, I'm afraid I shall have to make 509 00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:44,733 a report out on this affair. 510 00:20:44,833 --> 00:20:46,533 Oh, look, couldn't you just forget it ever happened? 511 00:20:46,633 --> 00:20:47,500 No. 512 00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:49,100 Well, I'm sure your police charity 513 00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:51,733 fund wouldn't say no to another contribution, sergeant. 514 00:20:51,833 --> 00:20:54,400 Well we're always grateful for anything, sir. 515 00:20:54,500 --> 00:20:57,200 Ah, shall we say another 5 pounds? 516 00:20:57,300 --> 00:20:58,433 That's very generous of you. 517 00:20:58,533 --> 00:21:02,800 Ah, right-- right, come along, everybody. 518 00:21:02,900 --> 00:21:04,667 Just a moment, Mr. Brown. 519 00:21:04,767 --> 00:21:06,000 Where are you going? 520 00:21:06,100 --> 00:21:07,600 I have not made out my report yet. 521 00:21:07,700 --> 00:21:09,067 Yeah, but I've-- 522 00:21:09,167 --> 00:21:10,933 I've just given you 5 pounds to-- forget it. 523 00:21:11,033 --> 00:21:14,033 Oh no, sir, you very kindly donated 524 00:21:14,133 --> 00:21:16,300 5 pounds to our charity fund. 525 00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:19,500 It wasn't meant as a bribe, was it, sir? 526 00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:20,500 No. 527 00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:24,633 Good, now, let's take a few names. 528 00:21:24,733 --> 00:21:27,900 You, madam-- sorry, Miss-- 529 00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:30,467 Courtney. 530 00:21:30,567 --> 00:21:31,900 Thank you. 531 00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:33,433 You, sir-- 532 00:21:33,533 --> 00:21:34,200 What's your name? 533 00:21:36,167 --> 00:21:39,667 How do you spell that? 534 00:21:39,767 --> 00:21:40,800 That's not his name. 535 00:21:40,900 --> 00:21:42,967 Oh, giving me a false name, eh? 536 00:21:44,567 --> 00:21:46,100 I'll come back to you, Mr. Por Favor, 537 00:21:46,200 --> 00:21:49,633 or whatever your name is. 538 00:21:49,733 --> 00:21:50,767 You! 539 00:21:50,867 --> 00:21:52,233 Yes, please. 540 00:21:52,333 --> 00:21:54,300 What is your name? 541 00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:57,567 Oh no, What is not my name. 542 00:21:57,667 --> 00:22:00,533 I don't want to know what your name is not. 543 00:22:00,633 --> 00:22:02,367 What is your name? 544 00:22:02,467 --> 00:22:04,733 And I'm telling you it is not. 545 00:22:04,833 --> 00:22:07,467 You, what is his name? 546 00:22:07,567 --> 00:22:08,500 Nein. 547 00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:11,667 Ah-ha, now we're getting somewhere-- 548 00:22:11,767 --> 00:22:13,133 Mr. Nine. 549 00:22:13,233 --> 00:22:14,467 That is not his name. 550 00:22:14,567 --> 00:22:15,800 You just said it was. 551 00:22:15,900 --> 00:22:18,267 You asked me if his name is What, and I tell you nein. 552 00:22:18,367 --> 00:22:20,667 What is not his name, but also not Nein. 553 00:22:20,767 --> 00:22:22,533 I've gone around the bend! 554 00:22:22,633 --> 00:22:24,467 What is his name? 555 00:22:24,567 --> 00:22:25,733 Absolutely not. 556 00:22:25,833 --> 00:22:26,700 Not what? 557 00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:28,067 That is correct. 558 00:22:28,167 --> 00:22:29,600 What is your name? 559 00:22:29,700 --> 00:22:30,600 Wrong again! 560 00:22:30,700 --> 00:22:31,633 He's not here. 561 00:22:31,733 --> 00:22:34,567 Who's not here? 562 00:22:34,667 --> 00:22:35,467 What? 563 00:22:36,833 --> 00:22:40,733 No, Who is not here, and What is not here neither. 564 00:22:40,833 --> 00:22:42,633 You're all barmy. 565 00:22:42,733 --> 00:22:49,800 Mr. Brown, if I promise not to proceed with this report, 566 00:22:49,900 --> 00:22:50,833 will you do me a favor? 567 00:22:50,933 --> 00:22:52,333 Yes, what is it? 568 00:22:52,433 --> 00:22:54,900 Get these crackpots out of here, 569 00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:57,633 and promise never to bring them back, even 570 00:22:57,733 --> 00:22:58,767 if they've committed murder! 571 00:23:07,967 --> 00:23:11,933 Good evening, Miss Courtney, or should I say?? 572 00:23:12,033 --> 00:23:15,333 Please don't remind me of last night's unfortunate incident. 573 00:23:15,433 --> 00:23:16,433 Sorry. 574 00:23:16,533 --> 00:23:18,033 I hope you've explained to your Indian lady 575 00:23:18,133 --> 00:23:20,500 the difference between free and free offer. 576 00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:21,933 Oh, yes, she understands it now. 577 00:23:22,033 --> 00:23:22,867 Don't worry. 578 00:23:22,967 --> 00:23:24,033 It won't happen again. 579 00:23:24,133 --> 00:23:25,033 Ah, excuse me. 580 00:23:25,133 --> 00:23:28,300 I'm looking for a Jamila Ranjha. 581 00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:29,733 Are Are you thinking what I'm thinking? 582 00:23:29,833 --> 00:23:31,167 I hope not. 583 00:23:31,267 --> 00:23:32,567 Why do you want Jamila? 584 00:23:32,667 --> 00:23:34,333 Well, she ordered a minibike from us a month ago, 585 00:23:34,433 --> 00:23:35,333 and she hasn't paid for it. 586 00:23:35,433 --> 00:23:36,967 We sent her three invoices. 587 00:23:37,067 --> 00:23:38,267 She actually ordered the bike? 588 00:23:38,367 --> 00:23:40,033 Oh, yeah, she sent in the coupon. 589 00:23:40,133 --> 00:23:41,467 Look, here it is. 590 00:23:41,567 --> 00:23:44,033 Oh no, she's done it again-- seven-day free trial.